"Find explanations in charity"

I'm halfway through Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project and though it has yet to be an extraordinary source of revelation, I am enjoying reading about the author's experience and insight gained through her research while writing the book.    

As always, I find myself drawn to resonating quotations such as the one by Flannery O'Conner  in chapter  6 entitled "Friendship".  One way Rubin suggest nurturing friendships is to be generous and in doing so "cut people slack".  I am saddened to have recently lost a very important, relatively long-term friendship due to what I perceived as my friend's complete inability to do just that.  Rubin's explains, "The "fundamental attribution error" is a psychological phenomenon in which we tend to view other people's actions as reflections of their characters and to overlook the power of situation to influence their actions, whereas with ourselves, we recognize the pressures of circumstance.  When other people's cell phones ring during a movie, it's because they're inconsiderate boors; if my cell phone rings during a movie, it's because I need to be able to take a call from the babysitter."

Rubin goes on to share the before-mentioned quote from Flannery O'Connor, "From 15 to 18 is an age at which one is very sensitive to the sins of others, as I know from recollections of myself.  At that age you don't look for what is hidden.  It is a sign of maturity not to be scandalized and try to find explanations in charity."  

I feel as though I am extremely generous when it comes to "cutting others slack", not just with my friends and family, but with strangers as well.   In fact, I believe you can tell a lot about a person in the way they treat others when they don't have to be nice- when they think no one is looking.  The cashier, the bank teller, the server, the delivery person, the parking attendant...Kindness begets kindness.  I always thought this was just common sense, but for some, as is in the case of my friend, it truly requires a great deal of effort.  It has been my experience that  when we assume the best of ourselves and others we are more often than not rewarded with such.  Whereas, when we decide that people are rude, inconsiderate, and selfish, we find ourselves lonely and defensive.  

Just food for thought, let the cultivation of kindness and generosity play a leading role in your own happiness project and I'm confident whatever the investment you make will come back to you tenfold. 

Comments

[Natalie]

I always thought this was just common sense, but for some, as is in the case of my friend, it truly requires a great deal of effort.
IT seems to me that people lacking self confidence, no matter how intelligent or how much potential a person may have, seem to thrive off the seemingly inconsistencies of others. The little things may set them off as if they were hanging from a thread about to snap. It is these inconsistencies that vibrate within themselves that which upon coming in contact with someone with the same vibration throws them over the edge/snaps the thread. It is when the realization of this energy existing within themselves surfaces then can changes be made. Then they can see their triggers and work on their own "inconsistencies" instead of being a victim of them. When one realizes they have the choice to change their energy and linger on what makes them feel good then good is drawn to them..Like attracts like..When we are sad a smile can make all the difference in our day..Starting with the little things can open eyes to the treasures that positive energy can bring us.
Whereas, when we decide that people are rude, inconsiderate, and selfish, we find ourselves lonely and defensive. It is programming that creates this decision. If one thinks his self to be rude and inconsiderate, selfish then that is what is seen in others. Once we begin to vibrate in a certain energy then we attract that energy or also that is all we may see in others..the negative.
So the trying to see the light in all no matter how much darkness one may feel is the best medicine we can give to all mankind.
So instead of lingering on the huge hairy booger hanging out of someone's nose and laughing about it..get a kleenx for the person and smile..You will receive a thank you that warms the soul.